So I saw something in a picture just now and it's kinda expressing my fears at this moment.  It said, "My greatest fear is that I'm good enough to fuck, but not good enough to love."  I feel like when Nathan was here, he was absolutely perfect...randomly buying me stuff, being affectionate and protective...making me feel like an absolute princess.  But now that he's gone it's like..ok, that was it...great sex babe, but that was it...wish I could talk to you but the time difference is crazy....I'm at a friends house right now babe, I can't talk....Hey babe, I'll call you later I'm eating with some friends....or.............nothing no response at all.  I'm just ranting and raving but right now I feel like I'm not important to him anymore.  I told him that, and he feels like crap.  He's been getting better.  But I still feel like the entire time he was here it was all physical and now that he's gone it's nothing. 

I love him with my whole heart and I know that's not how he feels and I know that he loves me and that it really is crazy with the time difference and with him always being at his friends'....I understand it all, but it doesn't change how I feel.....gah!!!

Good news, I got accepted into the junior college here (big shocker there) and I'm going to be a nurse.  Other good news, it's only three more days of school left, and graduation is in 15.  Bad news, none of my family can come to my graduation except my mom and dad, and grandparents.  That's it.  Good news, I'm going to be an intern at my church for the children's pastor this summer.  Bad news, I have to get a part time job as well, since the internship isn't paid.

Love

it's been a long time.

Shelley...you make me happy with your blogs.

Ellen....I miss your rant sessions.

Amber....we need to catch up yet again.

Nathan....I fucking love you!